Greek Gods Tackle Wall Street

Logline:

What happens when the capricious and often irresponsible Greek Gods are tasked with managing a modern-day investment firm? Chaos, hilarity, and plummeting stock prices ensue.

Scene:

A gleaming, modern office, overlooking a bustling city. "Olympus Investments" is emblazoned on the glass doors.

Characters:

* **Zeus:** (Played by a boisterous actor, think Chris Farley if he was still around) CEO, easily distracted, makes impulsive decisions based on gut feeling and prophecies that are wildly misinterpreted. Thinks "blockchain" is a new type of thunderbolt. * **Hera:** (A tightly wound, impeccably dressed actress) CFO, constantly trying to keep Zeus in check, but her advice is inevitably ignored. Bitterly regrets marrying into this mess. * **Poseidon:** (A swaggering, sea-salt-haired actor) Head of Commodities Trading, obsessed with all things water-related. Invests heavily in seaweed farms and desalination plants, with disastrous results. * **Hades:** (A darkly comedic actor, deadpan delivery) Risk Management Officer, perpetually gloomy and predicting market crashes. Constantly tries to short stocks based on "omens" from the underworld, but nobody listens until it's too late. * **Hermes:** (A fast-talking, energetic actor) Head of Marketing, constantly trying to spin the company's failures with increasingly outlandish ad campaigns, referencing ancient myths in ways that nobody understands.

Possible Skits:

* **Board Meeting Bloopers:** Zeus, bored with charts and graphs, starts a thunderous argument with Poseidon over who controls the best coastline. Hera attempts to explain the importance of quarterly earnings, but Zeus is too busy hitting on Aphrodite (a guest appearance, naturally) on Zoom. * **The Prophecy of the Dow:** Zeus receives a cryptic prophecy from the Oracle of Delphi about the future of the Dow Jones. He misinterprets it as a sign to invest everything in "golden apples" (Apple stock), leading to a massive loss when the market crashes. * **Hades' Bearish Warnings:** Hades presents a compelling case for hedging against risk, citing various mythological disasters as metaphors for market downturns. Nobody takes him seriously until the market plunges, and he gets to deliver a smug "I told you so." * **Marketing Mayhem:** Hermes unveils a new ad campaign featuring a minotaur promoting cryptocurrency. The ad is so confusing and off-putting that it sends the company's stock into freefall. * **Investor Relations Nightmare:** Zeus attempts to explain the company's performance to a group of bewildered investors, using increasingly bizarre analogies involving mythical creatures and heroic quests.

Ending:

Olympus Investments collapses, leaving the Greek Gods bankrupt and scrambling to find new jobs. The final scene shows Zeus working as a street performer, throwing lightning bolts (sparklers) for spare change, while Hera shakes her head in exasperation. The SNL announcer declares, "Well, that's what happens when you let gods run the economy."